Merry Christmas II !!

No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa has ever seen.

There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world. BUT since Santa doesn’t (appear to) handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total – 378 million according to Population Reference Bureau. At an average (census)rate of 3.5 children per household, that’s 91.8 million homes. One presumes there’s at least one good child in each.

Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west(which seems logical). This works out to 822.6 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with good children, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park, hop out of the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left, get back up the chimney, get back into the sleigh and move on to the next house. Assuming that each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false but for the purposes of our calculations we will accept), we are now talking about .78 miles per household, a total trip of 75-1/2 million miles, not counting stops to do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours, plus feeding etc.

This means that Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man- made vehicle on earth, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second – a conventional reindeer can run, tops, 15 miles per hour.

The payload on the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium-sized lego set (2 pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting Santa, who is invariably described as overweight. On land, conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that “flying reindeer” (see point #1) could pull TEN TIMES the normal anoint, we cannot do the job with eight, or even nine. We need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload – not even counting the weight of the sleigh – to 353,430 tons. Again, for comparison – this is four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth.

353,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance – this will heat the reindeer up in the same fashion as spacecrafts re-entering the earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 QUINTILLION joules of energy. Per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them, and create deafening sonic booms in their wake.The entire reindeer team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal forces 17,500.06 times greater than gravity. A 250-pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim)would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force.

In conclusion — If Santa ever DID deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he’s dead now.

I had recently turned 5 years old and Christmas was a few days away.My family was on the road, heading towards Pine Knot, Kentucky, near the Tennessee border. My moms people lived there.

My mom was telling me that Sana Claus was going to bring toys to all the children in the world. I was very excited. It took several hours to get to our destination. I looked out the window and saw house after house after house pass by. It dawned on me that for one old man to stop at all these houses, he'd have to work fast. Very fast.

After about the third hour of watching thousands of houses passing by, I came to the seclusion that someone was full of sh!t. I told my mom and dad that there was no way Santa could stop at all these houses in one night. They looked at each other and busted out laughing. My mom said something like, he has a lot of helpers that help out. But I wasn't buying it. I stopped believing in Santa that very day.

I told all the neighborhood kids my story. Most still believed anyway. When the older sister of a friend whose house we were playing at came home. I told the kids, lets ask her. She was an older gal. Probably about 10-11. I told her that I didn't believe in Santa and would she tell us if he is real. I will never forgot what she said. She looked at us all, probably 7 of us or so. Then she said, You little fuckin retards, still believe in Santa? Then she just laughed and walked away.

I have probably told that story 200 times over the years. About 20 years later, I ran into that 10 year old girl at the bar. She was then about 30. We drank together and I told her that Santa story. She din't remember it, but got a good laugh out of it. We drank a few more and I gave her a ride home. She invited me in and wound up just about screwing me to death. She was a true nympho who couldn't get enough.

Oh. Santa is real. I’m not believing either of you. He’s real I just saw him a couple days ago. And Mrs Santa is real also. She gives real good BJ’s. You two don’t know what you are talking about.

@4:57


I came

@5:37


I went

Santa is non-religious. All the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and Buddhist children who live in Canada believe in Santa. Of course since the North Pole is in Canada and Santa is therefore Canadian, it only makes sense that he would be more believed in Canada than in other places in the world.

But I guess Santa isn't allowed in the lives of foreign children in the United States.

So sad ...

The guy in the red suit uses worm holes and string theory to manipulate the time - space continuem. Or at least that is my theory.

That is funny and good.

Actually Santa is alive and well in the hearts of good giving people who keep him alive.

Bah! HUMBUG ! ! !

Aw c'mon! You have not figured this out yet? Sheessh! He uses Mr. Peabody's way back machine!

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